Who needs light?

"The light had gone out of her eyes. I looked and looked, but I couldn't find her."

- Janie Spar

There's something to this. Janie was referencing her friend who, because of society's negative grasp on her life, had been reduced to an apathetic husk of the proud-and-out lesbian she used to be. Every time they were together, the light, so to speak, that had burned so brightly behind her retinas, wasn't there at all when Janie looked for it.

Isn't that what happens when we're hurt? Of course, there's no true light blinking -- most of us aren't cyborgs -- but there's a real sense of self in our expression, in our body language... in our eyes.

They speak mor ethan we do sometimes. A wink can mean so many illicit things, but it can also mean 'It's alright. I know this hurts.' Eyes can narrow with anger or widen with surprise, they can glare angrily or gaze knowingly. They can offer comfort to an entire audience, and they can fill with tears to show that we're unhappy.

It's when they stop moving, though, that raises an alarm for our friends and family. It's when you smile with your mouth, but the smile never reaches your full expression of self. It's when your once-powerful, gentle and understanding way of seeing the world, brightly and without cynicism, becomes a stoic stare; when eyes become tools for seeing, and that's it.

I'm 22 today, and I hope that my eyes aren't just for seeing anymore.